One Parent to Another

“God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason, so that we would listen more than we talk”. I don’t know exactly where that line comes from, but it sure packs a punch, doesn’t it? As a parent I all too easily fall into that trap of talking, talking, talking. Nagging is what Maddie would say. I can’t help but feel like the teacher in the old Peanuts cartoons… “wah, wom, wah, wah”… I keep talking and this is all she hears.

In my professional life as a Distribution/Supply Chain Manager, I make a concerted effort to seek first to understand, then to be understood. Good advice from a very wise man named Dr. Stephen Covey (7 Habits of Highly Effective People – I highly recommend this book). I have had great success using this approach with my employees & colleagues. But for some dumb reason I had never thought about using it with my daughter.

One day it clicked and I thought “hmm…wonder what would happen if I tried this with Maddie?” I made a decision to be quiet and really listen to her. I thought my head would explode the first time I tried it. I literally had to bite my lip to keep from talking. At first she held back a bit, probably waiting for me to jump in and start blabbing at her again. After a few of these conversations where I stayed quiet, it sunk in that I was really listening to her and that she had my full attention. I thought about what she said as she was talking, not just how I would respond. I listened to what she was not saying as well…what emotions were there under the surface, her body language, the tone of voice.

An amazing thing happened…I got to know my daughter. Really know her, not just who I thought she was. I learned about what matters most to her, what her greatest challenges are, what bothers her, and what she is learning about herself, life, and God. Sure wish I had shut up years ago!

The best talks we have ever had were riding around at night in the car. The quiet, lack of interruptions, and the fact that she felt safer by not having to look me in the eye make this the ideal time for us to talk. Now when Maddie says, “Mom can we go for a drive?” I know what she really wants. To talk.

Anytime, my sweet girl, anytime. I’m listening.


Carol Ann
“Maddie’s Mom”